In New York City, people on the street are often reduced to obstacles, objects that you navigate around to get where you’re going. But once inside a subway car, we must, no matter how briefly, stop and be together.
Anyone witnessing the ebb and flow of straphangers crammed into subway cars during rush hour will notice our almost saint-like ability to share our personal space. As trains move through underground tunnels, intermittently screeching to a stop, we sway back and forth, pressed against each other in resigned acceptance, collectively taking the path of least resistance.
The subway is a prime people-watching locale filled with people from almost every conceivable walk of life. But while riding the subway, many of us are on auto pilot, rehashing the days’ events: the should-haves, the dids, the will-do’s. In doing so, we can miss opportunities to practice compassion.
Next time you’re on the subway, look around and pay attention to your thoughts. It can be alarming to realize how harshly and consistently you may be judging others, or yourself in comparison to others. But don’t go judging yourself about it, that defeats the purpose of the exercise.
Bring yourself into the present moment by carefully registering your surroundings with all your senses: listen to the sounds of the subway, feel your hard plastic seat and the weight and texture of the fabric of your clothes, become aware of your body and breath. Then, look around at people in your car (subtly of course). Behold their humanity, sense the weight of their responsibilities and disappointment, the lightness of their hopes and dreams, and acknowledge their inherent and unique beauty.
You may find this difficult. It can be hard to foster a connection to a stranger, the "other" that our mind/ego has programmed us to perceive as entirely separate or even as "the enemy". So, how do we override this compulsion and reap the rewards of connection?
The mind/ego plays dirty, so you can too, by tricking it into allowing an experience of connection to, or love for, other people. An excellent way to do this is to bring forth (while you remain present) the feelings associated with a loved one, which are often an unconditional tenderness and compassion.
For example, if you have a significant other that you love, or even a pet, hold the image of that person/pet in your awareness and then allow yourself to fully experience the love you have for them. Remember not to focus on specific memories because that takes you out of the present. Then, very quickly focus that energy on a stranger, maybe the person next to you. You don’t even have to look at them, just send them that love on the sly. It takes a little practice, but it gets easier. As a result you can experience the sweetness of greater compassion and empathy for others.
You can practice this exercise on yourself as well by quickly replacing the image of a loved one with one of "you". The first time I tried this, it was unnerving, shocking even, to realize it was the fist time I'd ever directed unconditional and judgment-free love at myself. I experienced a wave of compassion for this "me".
Just the idea that YOU can direct love at yourself, as Eckhart Tolle says, reveals that there are actually two of you out there. So which one is the real you? Is it the image of what you imagine to be "you" or the creator of this image? To become aware of this construct of "self", to realize that YOU are not your body/personality/ego/mind - but the observer of these things, and much more – can induce a paradigm shift, an immediate feeling of limitless expansion. This feeling, or awareness, may seem alien and unfamiliar at first, but is soon recognized as a more natural state of being than the mania of the constructed "self".
We're all here together, so let’s try to love one another, not just our family and friends, because doing so can open our hearts and give us something close to peace, until we reach our final stop, and go home.
Caroline Cooney is a freelance writer based in Manhattan with a background in national cable news. Reposted with permission.
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