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So you’ve broken up with your guy, and now you’re regretting it. You want some relationship help/advice because now you’re realizing that he was the one for you and that you miss having him around. Every time you see his picture, your heart breaks and you start hating yourself for having driven him away.
Here’s where you have to make one of the most important decisions of your post-break up existence: should you resign yourself to losing him and move on, or should you stand your ground and try to get him back?
If you settle on winning your ex-boyfriend back, the first thing to do is take a deep breath and really assess the situation.
Before you pick up your sword and shield and charge in to do battle in the name of love, stop and ask yourself this question: Why do I really want him back?
If your answer is that you are desperate, lonely and miserable without him and don’t think you can keep going on your own then you probably shouldn’t do anything just yet. Showing up to your ex’s house on your hands and knees, begging him to take you back is going to push him away even more.
Likewise, calling him constantly to apologize and declare your undying love for him isn’t going to work. Seeing you in pain will make him pity you, but it will not make him love you again. In fact, it will have opposite effect. Nothing is worse for someone trying to win an ex-lover back than said lover’s pity.
You also have to consider your own wellbeing too. Do you want him back simply because you are in the depths of your post-break up depression, or is there a deeper, more legitimate and mature reason for your decision?
Take the time to get to know yourself before you start trying to win him back. Pull yourself together, basically. When you go back to reconnect with your ex, you want him to see a strong confident woman, who can take care of herself just fine. See you happy and independent will make him want you back way more than seeing you sad and pathetic.
If you come to him as a mature, grown woman who has learned from her mistakes, then he will know that you want him back not because you’re depressed and emotionally needy, but because you have really given the situation a lot of thought: you are truly sorry for the mistakes you made in the past and you want to be back together because you have finally realized that he is the one you want to be with for good.
Don’t come on too strong
Once you have done some soul-searching and decided that you want to give winning your ex back a shot, it’s time to make that first, reconciliatory move.
Your first instinct is probably going to be to tell him how much you love him and how you’ve thought it all through and you really want him back, that you’re sorry for all the mistakes you made and that you really want the relationship to work this time.
But no matter how strong this urge might be, don’t do it. If you truly wish to win him back, the actions you are going to have to take are going to be pretty counter-intuitive. Restraint is the name of the game. You can’t come on too strong when you first approach him again. Give him space. Don’t throw yourself at his feet and make it obvious that you’re trying to get him back.
Be the girl he fell in love with
Remember how fun you used to be when the two of you first started going out? One of the most important relationship questions you can ask yourself now is what changed? Think back to those first months of the courtship: how were you different? Where you more willing to try new things? Maybe you had firmer career goals or were more motivated.
One of the best things you can do to rekindle a lost love is to remind your ex of how happy the two of you used to be. Ask him to hang out sometime, but do something totally casual. Maybe even make it a group thing. The point is that you revisit some of the activities the two of you used to do when you first met. And while you’re out, show him that you’re still pursuing your career goals and that you still like to try new things.
Go dancing, or hiking, or to the movies. Show him that you are happy and that you enjoy his company and that you want him to have fun. And no matter how big the urge is to pull him aside from the group and talk about how you want him back and how sorry you are about the break up, resist it. The worst thing you can do at this initial stage is bring up heavy issues. Right now, just focus on having a good time. Remind him how great it was when the two of you were together.
Always Look Your Best
When you get comfortable in a relationship, you tend to let yourself go a little. You gain a few pounds and start walking around the house in your pajamas. Putting on make-up and getting dressed-up to go on a date starts becoming less and less of a priority.
But when you are trying to win back the guy you lost, it is essential that you start caring about your looks again. Which is not to say that you should turn into a vain, egocentric bitch. It just means that you have to show him, every time you see him, that you took the time to look your best for him. That you care. Every time your ex sees you, you want him to remember why he loved you.
If he liked your hair a certain way, wear it that way for him. If he liked when you wore dresses, start wearing dresses for him. Look good for him specifically.
No drunk dialing
This is a pretty simple rule: calling your ex while under the influence of alcohol is just NOT a good idea.
Remember that piece of advice about not coming on too strong because it guarantees that he’ll get scared off? Dialing him at home while you sit in the corner of a nightclub plastered off your mind is a surefire way of ruining all those months you’ve spent patiently re-building your relationship.
Last but not least: stay positive. It will be hard. You’ll feel like you’re losing him and you need to reach out and pull him towards you. Your mind will start doubting at times. But no matter how scared or insecure you get, you have to stay calm and stay positive. Always put up a happy, positive vive when you’re around him. Being sad and depressed will only work against you. The more you fear losing him, the likelier you are to lose him.
Want to know if you'll get back together with your ex? Talk to one of our Relationship Counselours or Psychic Advisors today!